I have been the commish of my fantasy football team for years now. I consider it to be one of the most kick assed, yet sophisticated leagues around. Here's a checklist why. These arent the only reasons my league borders on perfection, and you dont need to have every one of this league's checklist match up, but if you dont I bet your league will suckle more balls than Danny Pintauro.
1) The 12 member league consists mostly of guys I went to college with. You have to know the people you are unmercifully trying to rip off at draft time and at each trading juncture. That way when you do converse with them, you can not only laugh at their horrendous choice of wide receivers (luminaries that just beat you like like Davone Bess), you can laugh at the horrendously portly zeppelin he banged back in 1997. Come to think of it, her name was Davone Bess too. It's knowing the little things that make all the difference.
2) I take running this shit very seriously. Not everyone will. Those guys are fucking tools.
3) One keeper per league. Make the keeper round your 2nd round, that way the assholes who finished ahead of you also get to draft in the 1st round ahead of you too.
4) Dont win every once in a while. As commish, it makes you look like you give a fuck what the other members think. I am such a gracious leader, that I have let someone else win the league 6 of 7 years. The inner beauty just oozes out of me, no?
5) K.I.S.S. Keep It kickaSS, stupid. Listen to what the peons in your league have to say, but your say is final. No league votes. If you build the league simple and fair, they will come a runnin'. Dont show favoritism to one or another. Just put a fucking steel toe boot up someone's shit pipe every once in a while to keep the others scared and poopy pantsted. This blog's namesake did it that way. More on him in another blog, cause that dude was all fucking oxen beast of burden from the Planet Fuck Yeah.
6) Trade AP if you have him. You will never get equal value for him, but if you can (find a sucker) get a solid #1 RB plus a #1 WR, do it. Trust me. He will be my keeper two years running, but haven't gotten past the 1st round come playoff time since he graced my 4th round selection in 2007. Either trade him, or hire someone in a Santa suit to take care of Chester Taylor.
7) If you dont draft for yourself, either by being out of town, or gay, you are out of the league. Half the fun is verbally mushroom tatooing the ass clowns that drafted Kurt Warner in the 10th round (what a douchebag! That guy cant even throw a completed prayer!). Or the moron who drafts Donovan McNabb in round 4, cause he's a Eagles fan and god dammit, he is going to throw for 5000 yards and 57 TD's, that way I can cheer twice as hard for him!
8) Make the league fun. For you. As long as your having fun, at least 8.5% of the population wont throw a size 10 at you.
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